On the lighter note of things, I have built friendships during my stay at work. I should've learned before that co-workers can never be true friends. I should have listened to my instincts ways back.
It is obvious that there are divisions among the staff in our ward. The juniors and the seniors. I was one of the juniors but I rarely act as one. I speak up my mind and that gets me in trouble most of the time since everyone around me are too narrow-minded to accept thoughts and opinions diverse to theirs. So they take it the wrong way.
Making friends at work is tricky. The secret is, not to get involved personally. It complicates things. I could have acted like a robot and turn a deaf ear and a blind eye when I see something wrong that a co-worker friend did. But it's not that easy. And that's not me.
When asking for favors, friends come in handy but when your friends who are also your co-workers, they can be irritating when repeatedly done on purpose. Geez, how many rest days do I have to trade every time the other needs to go to a party or whatsoever?!!
There were also times when you feel that they have taken advantage over you, when they endorse you a previous work that is incomplete and trashy. They feel secure to endorse it to you like that because they believe that friends understand these things. They make excuses that they are already too tired to accomplish everything and so they hand it over to you, who is just starting her shift and now had loads of responsibilities to do. Such responsibilities which are not even hers in the first place.
Too much familiarity.
Too comfortable with each other.
There should be rules about not having friends at work.
I used to trust one person at work completely. I believed she would not let me down. But then, up to the very end, she did not even stood up for me. I disappointed myself. I had no other choice but to let it go. No point in fighting for someone worthless.
I had loads of friends before until I started working and I neglected those real friends of mine. Shame on me.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
The Boss.
My boss is the epitome of a nightmare. Seriously. They say that it is unethical to talk so badly of your previous boss however, I think that such human being deserves nothing but the same treatment she gives to everybody else.
Let me name her Cruella.. =). Maam Cruella comes to work every seven o'clock in the morning and leaves the ward during lunch time then goes to the quarters of her kind at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. During my probationary days, I had the pleasure of seeing her everyday. This gave me the chance to observe her lifestyle and read her personality.
She is near her 50s, single, never had a boyfriend, not that attractive (she's not the pretty type), overweight, clueless about fashion and have no intentions on leaving the only job she has ever had for 15 years. She lives alone in her studio apartment with a small circle of friends. Her daily routine is simply work and home. In short, she had no life.
This is how our everyday experience with her is. The moment she arrives at the ward, she ignores our morning greetings and starts her daily sermon. Sometimes when she is in a good mood, she give perfunctory glance after we greet her. Somehow, she finds something to yell about everyday. That's right, she yells. Every single, dreadful day. Her presence bring such dark aura in the room that everyone wants to run for the sake of our sanity. It is as if she has this built in CCTV camera that she notices every single and little thing that we did wrong then makes a big fuss about it. But that's what bosses do right? Well, she embarrasses us most of the time. After that, she goes to her table and ignore everybody else unless she gets distracted with the crowding people around her or by someone who made a tiny, forgivable mistake. She goes to lunch and probably eats alone. I imagine her sitting at the back of a huge cafeteria sulking about why everybody else has real friends and the best that she could manage are "plastics".
After lunch, she goes to her favored ward (the other nurse's station. not ours.) and gossip about doctors and other nurses. Then, she comes back to our ward with the nasty look we are all familiar of.
She leaves quietly and talks to the senior nurse ONLY to tell her she's going home.
With regards to doing work schedule, she has the worst method. She makes a blank page for our request off's then forgets it. In the end, she just makes the schedule according to her preference. Junior nurses seldom gets weekends off. Maam Cruella enjoys seeing them suffer. Change of schedule is a tough one to ask of her. It is like going through a pinhole. I once asked her because it was my mother's birthday and actually saw flames come out from her nose and her eyes turned rouge. I was terrified. I didn't attempt to do it again until after a year.
I used to be one of her favorite staff nurses until the day when I spoke for myself and some of the staff whom she is treating unfairly. She did not even listen to what I said and blatantly tells everybody that I have a big mouth and has no respect for her. That was the day when I realized I cannot tolerate this bitch and I promised myself that one day, we will meet again and I will forgive her. For all the hurt she brought us.
The worst thing that I could share about her was during my pregnancy, when my OB advised me to take a sick leave because there are signs that I might miscarry, she created a scandal that I was in fact using the sick leave just so I could enjoy the holidays. She even doubted my pregnancy was even at risk. After two weeks of bed rest, I came back to work and was treated coldly by her. She transferred me to the ward where I am going to handle chemotherapeutic drugs. These are very dangerous drugs that could harm my baby, considering I am in the first trimester. But she ignored all these. She didn't care.
I lost the baby after a week. Maybe it was her. Maybe it was the drugs I was handling. But mostly, it was me being stressed out merely by my co-existence with her.
Let me name her Cruella.. =). Maam Cruella comes to work every seven o'clock in the morning and leaves the ward during lunch time then goes to the quarters of her kind at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. During my probationary days, I had the pleasure of seeing her everyday. This gave me the chance to observe her lifestyle and read her personality.
She is near her 50s, single, never had a boyfriend, not that attractive (she's not the pretty type), overweight, clueless about fashion and have no intentions on leaving the only job she has ever had for 15 years. She lives alone in her studio apartment with a small circle of friends. Her daily routine is simply work and home. In short, she had no life.
This is how our everyday experience with her is. The moment she arrives at the ward, she ignores our morning greetings and starts her daily sermon. Sometimes when she is in a good mood, she give perfunctory glance after we greet her. Somehow, she finds something to yell about everyday. That's right, she yells. Every single, dreadful day. Her presence bring such dark aura in the room that everyone wants to run for the sake of our sanity. It is as if she has this built in CCTV camera that she notices every single and little thing that we did wrong then makes a big fuss about it. But that's what bosses do right? Well, she embarrasses us most of the time. After that, she goes to her table and ignore everybody else unless she gets distracted with the crowding people around her or by someone who made a tiny, forgivable mistake. She goes to lunch and probably eats alone. I imagine her sitting at the back of a huge cafeteria sulking about why everybody else has real friends and the best that she could manage are "plastics".
After lunch, she goes to her favored ward (the other nurse's station. not ours.) and gossip about doctors and other nurses. Then, she comes back to our ward with the nasty look we are all familiar of.
She leaves quietly and talks to the senior nurse ONLY to tell her she's going home.
With regards to doing work schedule, she has the worst method. She makes a blank page for our request off's then forgets it. In the end, she just makes the schedule according to her preference. Junior nurses seldom gets weekends off. Maam Cruella enjoys seeing them suffer. Change of schedule is a tough one to ask of her. It is like going through a pinhole. I once asked her because it was my mother's birthday and actually saw flames come out from her nose and her eyes turned rouge. I was terrified. I didn't attempt to do it again until after a year.
I used to be one of her favorite staff nurses until the day when I spoke for myself and some of the staff whom she is treating unfairly. She did not even listen to what I said and blatantly tells everybody that I have a big mouth and has no respect for her. That was the day when I realized I cannot tolerate this bitch and I promised myself that one day, we will meet again and I will forgive her. For all the hurt she brought us.
The worst thing that I could share about her was during my pregnancy, when my OB advised me to take a sick leave because there are signs that I might miscarry, she created a scandal that I was in fact using the sick leave just so I could enjoy the holidays. She even doubted my pregnancy was even at risk. After two weeks of bed rest, I came back to work and was treated coldly by her. She transferred me to the ward where I am going to handle chemotherapeutic drugs. These are very dangerous drugs that could harm my baby, considering I am in the first trimester. But she ignored all these. She didn't care.
I lost the baby after a week. Maybe it was her. Maybe it was the drugs I was handling. But mostly, it was me being stressed out merely by my co-existence with her.
My ward.
So let me describe the place where I work.
It’s in Manila near the university belt. The hospital is most famous for having the highest paid nurses in the country. Any licensed nurse would kill for this position. Yet, I still left.
The hospital is a tertiary one. That would mean that the bed capacity reaches over 200 and certain medical services are being offered there. It is divided into pay and charity division. Unfortunately, I was assigned in the charity division. Picture a government hospital in a third world country. That’s it. That’s my workplace just chocolate-coated with power to boast the title of “highest paid nurses in the country”. The ward where I was assigned was undeniably the most toxic one in the charity division. Patients there have less funds for treatments and even those who are in critical states with no funds for ICU get admitted to our ward. It was pure heaven.
The Philippines is a tropical country. During summer, the temperature could reach up to 39 degrees Celsius. Our ward did not have any air-conditioning. I remember feeling dehydrated every hour that I had to gulp loads of water every chance I get. My deodorant had no use for this condition. I was all covered with sweat the moment I enter our station. I can smell the sweat of not only the patients, but also the doctors and nurses. It was reeking of body sweat! It was disgusting. Considering that we are promoting health and wellness, we walk the halls and interact with our patients with sweat dripping all over my face and my white uniform drenched. I’ve never felt so close to my masculine side until today.
When I ask them why the nurses’ station in the pay division can have comfortable workplace with the air-conditioning and decent hallways and station, they just shrug it off and pretend not to hear anything. Apparently, they have been demanding for the same comfort for as long as they could remember but received the same treatment they did to me a while ago. Always a deaf ear. I wonder, if ever I survive here and be tenured, would I turn out to be another employee who has no voice and is used to a management that turns a deaf ear all the time? Now I am more scared. I was told since I learned the ABCs that I have a right to voice out anything if I know I am doing the right thing or if it is beneficial to the majority. This could not be taken away from me. Not ever!
THE NURSE STATION
Our station was one of the most spacious one in the charity division which does not work to our advantage. This makes our ward appear to be the most accommodating place where clerks, residents, student nurses can hang out. There were many cases of lost valuables due to this. The heat is not helpful to the mood of the people around me when it becomes so crowded. Particularly, our supervisor who becomes enraged every time she sees a single soul who is not a nurse hanging out in our “nurses’ station”. Obviously, she is a territorial sociophobic.
Apart from missing valuables, patients’ charts become accessible to anyone and they could get lost or travel to other parts of the hospital without our knowledge. For everybody’s information, nurses are responsible for the safekeeping of patients’ charts. But in our working condition, guarding the charts is a colossal challenge. Missing charts would mean extended unpaid hours and vulnerability to be reprimanded by other doctors looking for the same chart. It was a lose-lose situation for everybody.
THE MEDICATION AREA
This area is divided into two sides. Since patients are often distributed only to two bedside nurses. It is not the coziest area to be at. The electric fan is near it, so any loose medication cards or kardex (where the patient’s medications are all listed) would go flying out of your hands. That would add additional effort of looking around for it in a crowded place. Most of the time, student nurses are present there hovering over us and grabbing their assigned patient’s medications every chance they get. It was like being in a race. I always time myself when I start preparing my meds. I should be done in 30-45 minutes or else, the annoying students get in the way and any chances of memorizing your due meds and appropriately arranging them is gone. This is one of the infuriating times for the shift. At the end of the shift, instead of starting my endorsement to the incoming nurse, I would have to recheck if all my medications are complete which would be rare. I would have to make a new medication card and check with the chart (which is often missing) or the kardex (which is being used by the charge nurse) if it was indeed accurate. This is crucial since we have developed a system to avoid medication errors. Check in the chart (the standing medications, physician’s order and medication sheet), the kardex, and the medication card. If one of these are inaccurate, necessary investigation as to what caused this and appropriate action need to be done.
THE FRONT DESK
This is a tough place to be with. You would have to be experienced enough to sit here. This is where you put a smile in your face and accommodate every question a patient’s relative or sometimes just about any person throws at you. You also answer to doctor’s questions who are doing rounds and that would mean being aware of every patient admitted (not just your own). In conclusion, only the charge nurse can sit here. Here you can find the stack of laboratory requests, ECG requests, discharge forms, telephone directory, drug handbook and other godzillion things that would come in handy anytime, including a prayer book that you would need if a priest comes and asks you to pray with them.
THE BACK TABLE
This is where our supervisor usually sits. She does most of her paper works here so you can take a peek at the next work schedule without her knowledge. This is where she conducts “personal talks” with her staff. No there aren’t any division that could provide privacy. She can scold at you right at this table and would not care whether a patient, a doctor, clinical instructor or even the janitor is there. Told you she was a treat! Her professionalism is the best. She will evaluate a probationary there as well. Enumerate your incident reports, personal problems with co-staff and technical mistakes for all the world to hear. I can’t wait for mine! It would be phenomenal.
The back table also provides us a place to eat. We don’t have any lunch breaks so we eat when there’s the time. We also rarely get to eat uninterrupted. Usually, the relatives come often when they saw us eating. They somehow find it comforting that they catch us at our moment of pleasure and can take it away from us by asking if we could change their patient’s diaper.
THE CHART RACK
This is the most worthless and useless rack I have ever seen in my life. I have never seen it complete and organized. The charts are never in their proper place. Most doctors, clerks and student nurses place a certain chart in the wrong rack. The labels for each rack are nonexistent. I tried rewriting it once with sticker paper, but just after a day, they were mostly lost. It was totally hopeless.
THE COMFORT ROOM
It was a cramped up room with no mirror and no sink. The floor are most of the time wet and dirty. The guys using them are messy and would not even be polite enough to put the lid up when peeing. UGH! The smell is unbearable. Plus there’s a huge window in front of the toilet that you can open for all the world to see. The flush rarely works and if ever it does, it overflows. We often put an “OUT OF ORDER” sign by the door and lock it but somehow the messy ones find a way in.
That basically covers it. The best place in the world.
It’s in Manila near the university belt. The hospital is most famous for having the highest paid nurses in the country. Any licensed nurse would kill for this position. Yet, I still left.
The hospital is a tertiary one. That would mean that the bed capacity reaches over 200 and certain medical services are being offered there. It is divided into pay and charity division. Unfortunately, I was assigned in the charity division. Picture a government hospital in a third world country. That’s it. That’s my workplace just chocolate-coated with power to boast the title of “highest paid nurses in the country”. The ward where I was assigned was undeniably the most toxic one in the charity division. Patients there have less funds for treatments and even those who are in critical states with no funds for ICU get admitted to our ward. It was pure heaven.
The Philippines is a tropical country. During summer, the temperature could reach up to 39 degrees Celsius. Our ward did not have any air-conditioning. I remember feeling dehydrated every hour that I had to gulp loads of water every chance I get. My deodorant had no use for this condition. I was all covered with sweat the moment I enter our station. I can smell the sweat of not only the patients, but also the doctors and nurses. It was reeking of body sweat! It was disgusting. Considering that we are promoting health and wellness, we walk the halls and interact with our patients with sweat dripping all over my face and my white uniform drenched. I’ve never felt so close to my masculine side until today.
When I ask them why the nurses’ station in the pay division can have comfortable workplace with the air-conditioning and decent hallways and station, they just shrug it off and pretend not to hear anything. Apparently, they have been demanding for the same comfort for as long as they could remember but received the same treatment they did to me a while ago. Always a deaf ear. I wonder, if ever I survive here and be tenured, would I turn out to be another employee who has no voice and is used to a management that turns a deaf ear all the time? Now I am more scared. I was told since I learned the ABCs that I have a right to voice out anything if I know I am doing the right thing or if it is beneficial to the majority. This could not be taken away from me. Not ever!
THE NURSE STATION
Our station was one of the most spacious one in the charity division which does not work to our advantage. This makes our ward appear to be the most accommodating place where clerks, residents, student nurses can hang out. There were many cases of lost valuables due to this. The heat is not helpful to the mood of the people around me when it becomes so crowded. Particularly, our supervisor who becomes enraged every time she sees a single soul who is not a nurse hanging out in our “nurses’ station”. Obviously, she is a territorial sociophobic.
Apart from missing valuables, patients’ charts become accessible to anyone and they could get lost or travel to other parts of the hospital without our knowledge. For everybody’s information, nurses are responsible for the safekeeping of patients’ charts. But in our working condition, guarding the charts is a colossal challenge. Missing charts would mean extended unpaid hours and vulnerability to be reprimanded by other doctors looking for the same chart. It was a lose-lose situation for everybody.
THE MEDICATION AREA
This area is divided into two sides. Since patients are often distributed only to two bedside nurses. It is not the coziest area to be at. The electric fan is near it, so any loose medication cards or kardex (where the patient’s medications are all listed) would go flying out of your hands. That would add additional effort of looking around for it in a crowded place. Most of the time, student nurses are present there hovering over us and grabbing their assigned patient’s medications every chance they get. It was like being in a race. I always time myself when I start preparing my meds. I should be done in 30-45 minutes or else, the annoying students get in the way and any chances of memorizing your due meds and appropriately arranging them is gone. This is one of the infuriating times for the shift. At the end of the shift, instead of starting my endorsement to the incoming nurse, I would have to recheck if all my medications are complete which would be rare. I would have to make a new medication card and check with the chart (which is often missing) or the kardex (which is being used by the charge nurse) if it was indeed accurate. This is crucial since we have developed a system to avoid medication errors. Check in the chart (the standing medications, physician’s order and medication sheet), the kardex, and the medication card. If one of these are inaccurate, necessary investigation as to what caused this and appropriate action need to be done.
THE FRONT DESK
This is a tough place to be with. You would have to be experienced enough to sit here. This is where you put a smile in your face and accommodate every question a patient’s relative or sometimes just about any person throws at you. You also answer to doctor’s questions who are doing rounds and that would mean being aware of every patient admitted (not just your own). In conclusion, only the charge nurse can sit here. Here you can find the stack of laboratory requests, ECG requests, discharge forms, telephone directory, drug handbook and other godzillion things that would come in handy anytime, including a prayer book that you would need if a priest comes and asks you to pray with them.
THE BACK TABLE
This is where our supervisor usually sits. She does most of her paper works here so you can take a peek at the next work schedule without her knowledge. This is where she conducts “personal talks” with her staff. No there aren’t any division that could provide privacy. She can scold at you right at this table and would not care whether a patient, a doctor, clinical instructor or even the janitor is there. Told you she was a treat! Her professionalism is the best. She will evaluate a probationary there as well. Enumerate your incident reports, personal problems with co-staff and technical mistakes for all the world to hear. I can’t wait for mine! It would be phenomenal.
The back table also provides us a place to eat. We don’t have any lunch breaks so we eat when there’s the time. We also rarely get to eat uninterrupted. Usually, the relatives come often when they saw us eating. They somehow find it comforting that they catch us at our moment of pleasure and can take it away from us by asking if we could change their patient’s diaper.
THE CHART RACK
This is the most worthless and useless rack I have ever seen in my life. I have never seen it complete and organized. The charts are never in their proper place. Most doctors, clerks and student nurses place a certain chart in the wrong rack. The labels for each rack are nonexistent. I tried rewriting it once with sticker paper, but just after a day, they were mostly lost. It was totally hopeless.
THE COMFORT ROOM
It was a cramped up room with no mirror and no sink. The floor are most of the time wet and dirty. The guys using them are messy and would not even be polite enough to put the lid up when peeing. UGH! The smell is unbearable. Plus there’s a huge window in front of the toilet that you can open for all the world to see. The flush rarely works and if ever it does, it overflows. We often put an “OUT OF ORDER” sign by the door and lock it but somehow the messy ones find a way in.
That basically covers it. The best place in the world.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Resigned.
The moment I wrote the resignation letter, I knew that a long road would be ahead. For me. For us. Considering the minute probability of being employed here again in my country, I choose to move forward.
First I searched for prospective countries that I could apply for as an overseas nurse. I am officially a soon-to-be OFW. This is a major milestone for me. I had to review my resume, my qualifications and my state of mind. I am qualified to all countries except for the one I've always set my eyes on: the United States of America. No surprise there. Ever since recession hit them, all opportunities for foreign nurses to come and work there were all gone.
All those years of having that American Dream we Filipinos mostly have, are starting to fade. This is all about moving on. And yet I am resigned at the same time. I traded my job at a well-known tertiary hospital for the world of the unknown. Anybody who would hear my story would definitely think I am losing my mind. Well, I recently lost part of my heart a few months ago when I miscarried. But that's another story.
I really must be losing my mind.
I spent hours surfing the net, looking for potential employers and to my surprise, it was a boundless world that I have never been to before. I am walking the road less traveled. Choosing to lose my job and the highest salary for a staff nurse in my country was sheer lunacy. I am utterly frightened and excited at the same time. This is it. I can prove everybody wrong or I could curl up and cry for doing such a harsh decision.
My curriculum vitae was posted to every job hunting website possible and I received numerous calls day in and out. However, I ignored the calls from Middle East (the last place I would ever be), Singapore and New Zealand. I have set my eyes on the place I've always fancied travelling to: United Kingdom.
Got an appointment from two famous agencies for UK. Passed their qualifying tests and nerve-racking interview. Thank God. Now I would just have to wait.
And so I wait. It felt like years. Only left to do was pray.
Honestly, it was just 7 days until finally, an e-mail brought awesome news. An employer is coming here from UK and would be conducting interviews in a week. OMG. Prayer really works all the time! So, I researched like I've never researched before. I've learned everything about the company and covered all possible questions regarding my profession. I am ready!
Next thing I knew, I was coming out from the hotel room with the biggest smile on my face. I nailed it! I was then given a contract to sign and pictures were taken. I'm sure I looked ridiculously happy. I can't remember being this happy in months.
I thought I was resigned with my life yet God took this chance to show me how He truly loves me. He really indeed has better plans. And I can't wait!
First I searched for prospective countries that I could apply for as an overseas nurse. I am officially a soon-to-be OFW. This is a major milestone for me. I had to review my resume, my qualifications and my state of mind. I am qualified to all countries except for the one I've always set my eyes on: the United States of America. No surprise there. Ever since recession hit them, all opportunities for foreign nurses to come and work there were all gone.
All those years of having that American Dream we Filipinos mostly have, are starting to fade. This is all about moving on. And yet I am resigned at the same time. I traded my job at a well-known tertiary hospital for the world of the unknown. Anybody who would hear my story would definitely think I am losing my mind. Well, I recently lost part of my heart a few months ago when I miscarried. But that's another story.
I really must be losing my mind.
I spent hours surfing the net, looking for potential employers and to my surprise, it was a boundless world that I have never been to before. I am walking the road less traveled. Choosing to lose my job and the highest salary for a staff nurse in my country was sheer lunacy. I am utterly frightened and excited at the same time. This is it. I can prove everybody wrong or I could curl up and cry for doing such a harsh decision.
My curriculum vitae was posted to every job hunting website possible and I received numerous calls day in and out. However, I ignored the calls from Middle East (the last place I would ever be), Singapore and New Zealand. I have set my eyes on the place I've always fancied travelling to: United Kingdom.
Got an appointment from two famous agencies for UK. Passed their qualifying tests and nerve-racking interview. Thank God. Now I would just have to wait.
And so I wait. It felt like years. Only left to do was pray.
Honestly, it was just 7 days until finally, an e-mail brought awesome news. An employer is coming here from UK and would be conducting interviews in a week. OMG. Prayer really works all the time! So, I researched like I've never researched before. I've learned everything about the company and covered all possible questions regarding my profession. I am ready!
Next thing I knew, I was coming out from the hotel room with the biggest smile on my face. I nailed it! I was then given a contract to sign and pictures were taken. I'm sure I looked ridiculously happy. I can't remember being this happy in months.
I thought I was resigned with my life yet God took this chance to show me how He truly loves me. He really indeed has better plans. And I can't wait!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Work. Day One.
It was raining hard and it felt like I was in movie because I was hugging my long-time boyfriend in the dark, just outside my dormitory and I was sobbing real hard. I was inconsolable the last 30 minutes that we stood there under the rain. I can't remember the reason why I loved my profession and my new job. I was totally clueless why I was even there in the first place.
On-the-job training in nursing is nonexistent. We have been exposed to different areas in the hospital during our college days since it was part of our curriculum. I, however, chose to be employed to the hospital where our school was never affiliated with. I graduated from a state university in Manila, and the hospital where I am currently employed has its own university but a private one, to which my parents could not afford. Our trainings were different since we came from different universities thus, are hospital experiences as students are most likely to be different as well. We see them as fortunate bitches who had the luxury to pay 50 grand per semester and be spoon-fed with every information that they need, thus earning one of the top spots on the nurse licensure exam. Hell, the former committee head was a graduate there. (Well, when you don’t have money, you become bitter.) On the other hand, we like to see ourselves as impoverished students who strive hard to get the highest grade, as being admitted to our university instantly enrolls one to survival of the smartest and most kiss ass student.
One of the routines being practiced in our ward was that aside from preparing the due medications on your shift, you also have to prepare the medications for the next shift. This is a system that the staff nurses in our ward have learned to adapt with over time. I was an over enthusiastic newcomer at the time and became the most efficient "sponge" there is. I have got to absorb EVERYTHING. Although absorbing everything do have its cons too, you tend to crash.
When I was preparing my medications, which took me an hour to do so, because I was handling 10 patients (and each patient had 5-15 medications), so do the math, for a beginner it was one hell of a job. I mistakenly forgot to cut the blister pack of a certain medication that instead of preparing just one of Neobloc, I prepared two. Instantly, my senior who had a tenure of 4 years I think, scolded me in front of the other staffs, doctors, student nurses and doctors and that even the patient who was in the farthest room probably heard the whole incident. I was shocked that people can be ultimately mean and rude. It was like the bubble protecting me from the dark world of reality suddenly burst, and I was vulnerable to anything. She did not even ask me what could have been the reason why I made such mistake, she just went on and on about how unprofessional and worthless nurse I was trained to be. She was a graduate of the hospital's university by the way. I never met anyone who could talk so fast that no one had the guts to interrupt because she looked like she would bite if you do. Moreover, the fury in her eyes frightened me that I wondered if she even was rabid.
After what felt like years of feeling superior to these rich bastards, I became a miniscule person with a very hot, red face. It was sheer humiliation. It was the type of embarrassment that would make you run for your life and change identity. After she finished, everyone’s eyes were on me. I wanted to disappear. I wished to exchange places with our janitor on the far end of the hallway who is now also staring at me with pity in his eyes. Apparently, I awakened a sleeping monster.
I cleared my throat and heard my own voice croaking. I apologized and promise to do better on the following dreadful days to come. She just stared at me as if she heard nothing. There was still an hour left for my shift and I still had to finish my nurse’s notes. Since the doctors are now making rounds, the charts are no longer around. That would mean another hour of torture, waiting for the charts to arrive back to the station one by one. This rarely happens by the way, usually, we had to go our way finding each chart and locating the person last holding them. Photographic memory helped me with this. Thank God.
After 2 hours and 45 minutes, I was done charting half of my patients. Occasionally, I had to answer to questions, “Are you okay?” from other staff nurses. I already had one in mind. FINE. I remembered in Italian Job, that meant F-reaked out, I-nsecure, N-eurotic and E-motional. Perfect words to describe me now.
By 6 o’clock, I was done with everything and I had to bid goodbye (hopefully forever) to the others. I hurriedly went to the automated DTR where I had to log out and walked swiftly back home. Home, meaning the dormitory where I stay because I can’t commute 2 hours daily after that hard labor. My boyfriend was already there, waiting for me. He just said 5 words then everything was a blur, “How was your first day?”. It was the longest cry-marathon I had. I recollected saying, “I don’t want to go back there anymore. It was horrible.”
And those eleven words remained my status for the past 910 days that I spent there. Horrible was even an understatement.
On-the-job training in nursing is nonexistent. We have been exposed to different areas in the hospital during our college days since it was part of our curriculum. I, however, chose to be employed to the hospital where our school was never affiliated with. I graduated from a state university in Manila, and the hospital where I am currently employed has its own university but a private one, to which my parents could not afford. Our trainings were different since we came from different universities thus, are hospital experiences as students are most likely to be different as well. We see them as fortunate bitches who had the luxury to pay 50 grand per semester and be spoon-fed with every information that they need, thus earning one of the top spots on the nurse licensure exam. Hell, the former committee head was a graduate there. (Well, when you don’t have money, you become bitter.) On the other hand, we like to see ourselves as impoverished students who strive hard to get the highest grade, as being admitted to our university instantly enrolls one to survival of the smartest and most kiss ass student.
One of the routines being practiced in our ward was that aside from preparing the due medications on your shift, you also have to prepare the medications for the next shift. This is a system that the staff nurses in our ward have learned to adapt with over time. I was an over enthusiastic newcomer at the time and became the most efficient "sponge" there is. I have got to absorb EVERYTHING. Although absorbing everything do have its cons too, you tend to crash.
When I was preparing my medications, which took me an hour to do so, because I was handling 10 patients (and each patient had 5-15 medications), so do the math, for a beginner it was one hell of a job. I mistakenly forgot to cut the blister pack of a certain medication that instead of preparing just one of Neobloc, I prepared two. Instantly, my senior who had a tenure of 4 years I think, scolded me in front of the other staffs, doctors, student nurses and doctors and that even the patient who was in the farthest room probably heard the whole incident. I was shocked that people can be ultimately mean and rude. It was like the bubble protecting me from the dark world of reality suddenly burst, and I was vulnerable to anything. She did not even ask me what could have been the reason why I made such mistake, she just went on and on about how unprofessional and worthless nurse I was trained to be. She was a graduate of the hospital's university by the way. I never met anyone who could talk so fast that no one had the guts to interrupt because she looked like she would bite if you do. Moreover, the fury in her eyes frightened me that I wondered if she even was rabid.
After what felt like years of feeling superior to these rich bastards, I became a miniscule person with a very hot, red face. It was sheer humiliation. It was the type of embarrassment that would make you run for your life and change identity. After she finished, everyone’s eyes were on me. I wanted to disappear. I wished to exchange places with our janitor on the far end of the hallway who is now also staring at me with pity in his eyes. Apparently, I awakened a sleeping monster.
I cleared my throat and heard my own voice croaking. I apologized and promise to do better on the following dreadful days to come. She just stared at me as if she heard nothing. There was still an hour left for my shift and I still had to finish my nurse’s notes. Since the doctors are now making rounds, the charts are no longer around. That would mean another hour of torture, waiting for the charts to arrive back to the station one by one. This rarely happens by the way, usually, we had to go our way finding each chart and locating the person last holding them. Photographic memory helped me with this. Thank God.
After 2 hours and 45 minutes, I was done charting half of my patients. Occasionally, I had to answer to questions, “Are you okay?” from other staff nurses. I already had one in mind. FINE. I remembered in Italian Job, that meant F-reaked out, I-nsecure, N-eurotic and E-motional. Perfect words to describe me now.
By 6 o’clock, I was done with everything and I had to bid goodbye (hopefully forever) to the others. I hurriedly went to the automated DTR where I had to log out and walked swiftly back home. Home, meaning the dormitory where I stay because I can’t commute 2 hours daily after that hard labor. My boyfriend was already there, waiting for me. He just said 5 words then everything was a blur, “How was your first day?”. It was the longest cry-marathon I had. I recollected saying, “I don’t want to go back there anymore. It was horrible.”
And those eleven words remained my status for the past 910 days that I spent there. Horrible was even an understatement.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Passed the board exam...now what?
It has been a month since I've actually practiced being a staff nurse in a hospital. Yet, every minute of it is crystal clear in my memory.
As I look back on the days, I can still smell the scent of sweet victory when I first learned that I pass the nursing board exam in my country. It was glorifying and terrifying at the same time! I was turned into a professional and unemployed citizen at the same time. I was standing at a crossroad of my life when I had to choose between regretting this day and moving forward with my life.
At that moment, I inhaled deeply and chose to party all night! I could always get serious about my future in the next days, but definitely not today! I called up my friends, of course trying to avoid mixing up the failed batch mates from the victorious ones. I gathered up a group of 15 persons in a matter of 15 minutes. One RN (registered nurse) per minute.. Not bad! Considering the high pitched and agitated atmosphere after calling and discovering that they actually passed! Of course, I had the occasional mistake of calling someone who flunked and pretending the line was jammed and hanging up.
We went to a club and partied the hardest for as long as I could remember. I had the worst hang over the next day and had the faintest idea of how I ended up in my bed. Thanks to my loyal boyfriend!
The first thing I browsed after I have recovered from the headache of the century, was the classified ads. Not surprisingly did I find nothing about hiring staff nurses from local employers. Nada. Zilch. Being a plumber or tailor would be a better job opportunity at the moment than being a professional nurse. After all those years of tedious hardwork and non stop studying, this is what I get? Unemployment and uncertainty in life! They should have included that in our course description!
Bachelor of Science in Nursing: A course that covers all the details of the human body from birth to death, with the complete coverage of emotional, psychological and other BS (that doctors rarely care about) for which you will compensate for. With a range of specialties including pediatrics, intensive care, hemodialysis, etc. Feel free to study and kill yourself memorizing godzillion terms of whatsoever and after becoming an RN, unemployment awaits you! P.S. Jobs abroad require two years of hospital experience which you can never, ever have! So good luck!
I remember the first steps I take to my college, I said to myself, "This will be a start of my journey to success!" Little did I know, this will bring forth the pitfall to my current status. I have been cursed. Why did I ever took up this course???!
Filipinos always had the American dream. No idea where it all started, probably due to the colonization of American hundreds of years ago. Anyway, my parents knew it, their parents knew it, my ancestors knew it, and so it coursed through my veins. The American Dream. Now, that dream seems light years away. it would remain just a dream unless I do something.
The first thing I did when I opened my laptop, I created my very first curriculum vitae. Contacted my past professors for recommendation letters and completed the requirements that I think every hospital would ask for. Of course, this would be documents that would serve as an evidence that I actually graduated with a bachelor degree in Nursing and that I recently passed the board exam. I thought that would be easy.
Patience is indeed a virtue. The next days dragged on. I waited for the processing of these requirements that took a month to complete. So I advise the future graduates to invest in the expedite form for you to be able to be one step ahead of everybody else. Time means a lot when there are millions of graduates and licensed nurses waiting to grab the spot you are aiming for.
I landed on the dream hospital which has the highest paying salary in the country. The only one I've set my eyes on. It was pure victory. However, after two and a half years of tenure, I resigned. I will unveil the reasons one by one in my succeeding posts.
Be on the know of the "in-hospitals". These are either those who have good salaries, excellent benefits, famous names and accessibility to your location. Remember, there are 3 shifts in our work including the afternoon and night shifts, so safety and means of transportation are one of the many things you need to consider when choosing the right hospital for you.
But come to think of it, these days, you're even lucky to discover a hospital that is open to hiring nurses. There are many that I could share that are open to trainees with a price! How cruel. That's the life of nurses here in the Philippines. And that's just a glimpse.
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