The moment I wrote the resignation letter, I knew that a long road would be ahead. For me. For us. Considering the minute probability of being employed here again in my country, I choose to move forward.
First I searched for prospective countries that I could apply for as an overseas nurse. I am officially a soon-to-be OFW. This is a major milestone for me. I had to review my resume, my qualifications and my state of mind. I am qualified to all countries except for the one I've always set my eyes on: the United States of America. No surprise there. Ever since recession hit them, all opportunities for foreign nurses to come and work there were all gone.
All those years of having that American Dream we Filipinos mostly have, are starting to fade. This is all about moving on. And yet I am resigned at the same time. I traded my job at a well-known tertiary hospital for the world of the unknown. Anybody who would hear my story would definitely think I am losing my mind. Well, I recently lost part of my heart a few months ago when I miscarried. But that's another story.
I really must be losing my mind.
I spent hours surfing the net, looking for potential employers and to my surprise, it was a boundless world that I have never been to before. I am walking the road less traveled. Choosing to lose my job and the highest salary for a staff nurse in my country was sheer lunacy. I am utterly frightened and excited at the same time. This is it. I can prove everybody wrong or I could curl up and cry for doing such a harsh decision.
My curriculum vitae was posted to every job hunting website possible and I received numerous calls day in and out. However, I ignored the calls from Middle East (the last place I would ever be), Singapore and New Zealand. I have set my eyes on the place I've always fancied travelling to: United Kingdom.
Got an appointment from two famous agencies for UK. Passed their qualifying tests and nerve-racking interview. Thank God. Now I would just have to wait.
And so I wait. It felt like years. Only left to do was pray.
Honestly, it was just 7 days until finally, an e-mail brought awesome news. An employer is coming here from UK and would be conducting interviews in a week. OMG. Prayer really works all the time! So, I researched like I've never researched before. I've learned everything about the company and covered all possible questions regarding my profession. I am ready!
Next thing I knew, I was coming out from the hotel room with the biggest smile on my face. I nailed it! I was then given a contract to sign and pictures were taken. I'm sure I looked ridiculously happy. I can't remember being this happy in months.
I thought I was resigned with my life yet God took this chance to show me how He truly loves me. He really indeed has better plans. And I can't wait!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Work. Day One.
It was raining hard and it felt like I was in movie because I was hugging my long-time boyfriend in the dark, just outside my dormitory and I was sobbing real hard. I was inconsolable the last 30 minutes that we stood there under the rain. I can't remember the reason why I loved my profession and my new job. I was totally clueless why I was even there in the first place.
On-the-job training in nursing is nonexistent. We have been exposed to different areas in the hospital during our college days since it was part of our curriculum. I, however, chose to be employed to the hospital where our school was never affiliated with. I graduated from a state university in Manila, and the hospital where I am currently employed has its own university but a private one, to which my parents could not afford. Our trainings were different since we came from different universities thus, are hospital experiences as students are most likely to be different as well. We see them as fortunate bitches who had the luxury to pay 50 grand per semester and be spoon-fed with every information that they need, thus earning one of the top spots on the nurse licensure exam. Hell, the former committee head was a graduate there. (Well, when you don’t have money, you become bitter.) On the other hand, we like to see ourselves as impoverished students who strive hard to get the highest grade, as being admitted to our university instantly enrolls one to survival of the smartest and most kiss ass student.
One of the routines being practiced in our ward was that aside from preparing the due medications on your shift, you also have to prepare the medications for the next shift. This is a system that the staff nurses in our ward have learned to adapt with over time. I was an over enthusiastic newcomer at the time and became the most efficient "sponge" there is. I have got to absorb EVERYTHING. Although absorbing everything do have its cons too, you tend to crash.
When I was preparing my medications, which took me an hour to do so, because I was handling 10 patients (and each patient had 5-15 medications), so do the math, for a beginner it was one hell of a job. I mistakenly forgot to cut the blister pack of a certain medication that instead of preparing just one of Neobloc, I prepared two. Instantly, my senior who had a tenure of 4 years I think, scolded me in front of the other staffs, doctors, student nurses and doctors and that even the patient who was in the farthest room probably heard the whole incident. I was shocked that people can be ultimately mean and rude. It was like the bubble protecting me from the dark world of reality suddenly burst, and I was vulnerable to anything. She did not even ask me what could have been the reason why I made such mistake, she just went on and on about how unprofessional and worthless nurse I was trained to be. She was a graduate of the hospital's university by the way. I never met anyone who could talk so fast that no one had the guts to interrupt because she looked like she would bite if you do. Moreover, the fury in her eyes frightened me that I wondered if she even was rabid.
After what felt like years of feeling superior to these rich bastards, I became a miniscule person with a very hot, red face. It was sheer humiliation. It was the type of embarrassment that would make you run for your life and change identity. After she finished, everyone’s eyes were on me. I wanted to disappear. I wished to exchange places with our janitor on the far end of the hallway who is now also staring at me with pity in his eyes. Apparently, I awakened a sleeping monster.
I cleared my throat and heard my own voice croaking. I apologized and promise to do better on the following dreadful days to come. She just stared at me as if she heard nothing. There was still an hour left for my shift and I still had to finish my nurse’s notes. Since the doctors are now making rounds, the charts are no longer around. That would mean another hour of torture, waiting for the charts to arrive back to the station one by one. This rarely happens by the way, usually, we had to go our way finding each chart and locating the person last holding them. Photographic memory helped me with this. Thank God.
After 2 hours and 45 minutes, I was done charting half of my patients. Occasionally, I had to answer to questions, “Are you okay?” from other staff nurses. I already had one in mind. FINE. I remembered in Italian Job, that meant F-reaked out, I-nsecure, N-eurotic and E-motional. Perfect words to describe me now.
By 6 o’clock, I was done with everything and I had to bid goodbye (hopefully forever) to the others. I hurriedly went to the automated DTR where I had to log out and walked swiftly back home. Home, meaning the dormitory where I stay because I can’t commute 2 hours daily after that hard labor. My boyfriend was already there, waiting for me. He just said 5 words then everything was a blur, “How was your first day?”. It was the longest cry-marathon I had. I recollected saying, “I don’t want to go back there anymore. It was horrible.”
And those eleven words remained my status for the past 910 days that I spent there. Horrible was even an understatement.
On-the-job training in nursing is nonexistent. We have been exposed to different areas in the hospital during our college days since it was part of our curriculum. I, however, chose to be employed to the hospital where our school was never affiliated with. I graduated from a state university in Manila, and the hospital where I am currently employed has its own university but a private one, to which my parents could not afford. Our trainings were different since we came from different universities thus, are hospital experiences as students are most likely to be different as well. We see them as fortunate bitches who had the luxury to pay 50 grand per semester and be spoon-fed with every information that they need, thus earning one of the top spots on the nurse licensure exam. Hell, the former committee head was a graduate there. (Well, when you don’t have money, you become bitter.) On the other hand, we like to see ourselves as impoverished students who strive hard to get the highest grade, as being admitted to our university instantly enrolls one to survival of the smartest and most kiss ass student.
One of the routines being practiced in our ward was that aside from preparing the due medications on your shift, you also have to prepare the medications for the next shift. This is a system that the staff nurses in our ward have learned to adapt with over time. I was an over enthusiastic newcomer at the time and became the most efficient "sponge" there is. I have got to absorb EVERYTHING. Although absorbing everything do have its cons too, you tend to crash.
When I was preparing my medications, which took me an hour to do so, because I was handling 10 patients (and each patient had 5-15 medications), so do the math, for a beginner it was one hell of a job. I mistakenly forgot to cut the blister pack of a certain medication that instead of preparing just one of Neobloc, I prepared two. Instantly, my senior who had a tenure of 4 years I think, scolded me in front of the other staffs, doctors, student nurses and doctors and that even the patient who was in the farthest room probably heard the whole incident. I was shocked that people can be ultimately mean and rude. It was like the bubble protecting me from the dark world of reality suddenly burst, and I was vulnerable to anything. She did not even ask me what could have been the reason why I made such mistake, she just went on and on about how unprofessional and worthless nurse I was trained to be. She was a graduate of the hospital's university by the way. I never met anyone who could talk so fast that no one had the guts to interrupt because she looked like she would bite if you do. Moreover, the fury in her eyes frightened me that I wondered if she even was rabid.
After what felt like years of feeling superior to these rich bastards, I became a miniscule person with a very hot, red face. It was sheer humiliation. It was the type of embarrassment that would make you run for your life and change identity. After she finished, everyone’s eyes were on me. I wanted to disappear. I wished to exchange places with our janitor on the far end of the hallway who is now also staring at me with pity in his eyes. Apparently, I awakened a sleeping monster.
I cleared my throat and heard my own voice croaking. I apologized and promise to do better on the following dreadful days to come. She just stared at me as if she heard nothing. There was still an hour left for my shift and I still had to finish my nurse’s notes. Since the doctors are now making rounds, the charts are no longer around. That would mean another hour of torture, waiting for the charts to arrive back to the station one by one. This rarely happens by the way, usually, we had to go our way finding each chart and locating the person last holding them. Photographic memory helped me with this. Thank God.
After 2 hours and 45 minutes, I was done charting half of my patients. Occasionally, I had to answer to questions, “Are you okay?” from other staff nurses. I already had one in mind. FINE. I remembered in Italian Job, that meant F-reaked out, I-nsecure, N-eurotic and E-motional. Perfect words to describe me now.
By 6 o’clock, I was done with everything and I had to bid goodbye (hopefully forever) to the others. I hurriedly went to the automated DTR where I had to log out and walked swiftly back home. Home, meaning the dormitory where I stay because I can’t commute 2 hours daily after that hard labor. My boyfriend was already there, waiting for me. He just said 5 words then everything was a blur, “How was your first day?”. It was the longest cry-marathon I had. I recollected saying, “I don’t want to go back there anymore. It was horrible.”
And those eleven words remained my status for the past 910 days that I spent there. Horrible was even an understatement.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Passed the board exam...now what?
It has been a month since I've actually practiced being a staff nurse in a hospital. Yet, every minute of it is crystal clear in my memory.
As I look back on the days, I can still smell the scent of sweet victory when I first learned that I pass the nursing board exam in my country. It was glorifying and terrifying at the same time! I was turned into a professional and unemployed citizen at the same time. I was standing at a crossroad of my life when I had to choose between regretting this day and moving forward with my life.
At that moment, I inhaled deeply and chose to party all night! I could always get serious about my future in the next days, but definitely not today! I called up my friends, of course trying to avoid mixing up the failed batch mates from the victorious ones. I gathered up a group of 15 persons in a matter of 15 minutes. One RN (registered nurse) per minute.. Not bad! Considering the high pitched and agitated atmosphere after calling and discovering that they actually passed! Of course, I had the occasional mistake of calling someone who flunked and pretending the line was jammed and hanging up.
We went to a club and partied the hardest for as long as I could remember. I had the worst hang over the next day and had the faintest idea of how I ended up in my bed. Thanks to my loyal boyfriend!
The first thing I browsed after I have recovered from the headache of the century, was the classified ads. Not surprisingly did I find nothing about hiring staff nurses from local employers. Nada. Zilch. Being a plumber or tailor would be a better job opportunity at the moment than being a professional nurse. After all those years of tedious hardwork and non stop studying, this is what I get? Unemployment and uncertainty in life! They should have included that in our course description!
Bachelor of Science in Nursing: A course that covers all the details of the human body from birth to death, with the complete coverage of emotional, psychological and other BS (that doctors rarely care about) for which you will compensate for. With a range of specialties including pediatrics, intensive care, hemodialysis, etc. Feel free to study and kill yourself memorizing godzillion terms of whatsoever and after becoming an RN, unemployment awaits you! P.S. Jobs abroad require two years of hospital experience which you can never, ever have! So good luck!
I remember the first steps I take to my college, I said to myself, "This will be a start of my journey to success!" Little did I know, this will bring forth the pitfall to my current status. I have been cursed. Why did I ever took up this course???!
Filipinos always had the American dream. No idea where it all started, probably due to the colonization of American hundreds of years ago. Anyway, my parents knew it, their parents knew it, my ancestors knew it, and so it coursed through my veins. The American Dream. Now, that dream seems light years away. it would remain just a dream unless I do something.
The first thing I did when I opened my laptop, I created my very first curriculum vitae. Contacted my past professors for recommendation letters and completed the requirements that I think every hospital would ask for. Of course, this would be documents that would serve as an evidence that I actually graduated with a bachelor degree in Nursing and that I recently passed the board exam. I thought that would be easy.
Patience is indeed a virtue. The next days dragged on. I waited for the processing of these requirements that took a month to complete. So I advise the future graduates to invest in the expedite form for you to be able to be one step ahead of everybody else. Time means a lot when there are millions of graduates and licensed nurses waiting to grab the spot you are aiming for.
I landed on the dream hospital which has the highest paying salary in the country. The only one I've set my eyes on. It was pure victory. However, after two and a half years of tenure, I resigned. I will unveil the reasons one by one in my succeeding posts.
Be on the know of the "in-hospitals". These are either those who have good salaries, excellent benefits, famous names and accessibility to your location. Remember, there are 3 shifts in our work including the afternoon and night shifts, so safety and means of transportation are one of the many things you need to consider when choosing the right hospital for you.
But come to think of it, these days, you're even lucky to discover a hospital that is open to hiring nurses. There are many that I could share that are open to trainees with a price! How cruel. That's the life of nurses here in the Philippines. And that's just a glimpse.
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